Further revise the essay

I need support with this Article Writing question so I can learn better.

Take a bit more time in your intro to discuss key terms/foundational ideas that your reader needs to know to understand your argument. Define rent seeking, and mechanical thinking, perhaps. Your thesis is a bit confusing. if you are saying that Facebook is a monopolist, and therefore a rent seeker, that’s a great thesis! But then you would dedicate your whole paper to proving that idea. Since that’s the main thrust of your argument, you should focus on proving it. To do this, you make a series of claims that you would prove. These claims are your topic sentences. In this draft, your topic sentences are weak. Take a look at your first – while the phrasing is simply, it isn’t a claim to say that it’s questinoable. It would be better to just assert: Facebook pushes for users to be totally transparent.” And then, you would prove that claim. In this paragraph, because your topic sentence isn’t a clear claim, you kind of drift into writing about their paternalism, which is a much more general topic. Go back to the document I posted on module 2 – the map of a body graph. Try and follow it a bit more. You tend to end paragraphs on quotes – this is bad practice. The majority of your graph should be analyzing the quote to prove how it answers my prompt/develops your thesis. I want you to consider that you are ultimately trying to prove how facebook is a monopoly. That means taking us through step by step, paragraph by paragraph, how Facebook is able to become a monopoly, or like a monopoly. And then you would weigh a comparison to Stiglitz. Your thesis is defensible – but perhaps it would benefit you to think that Facebook is like a monopoly – not that they are one. I don’t know if Foer proves the latter. Good luck! Solid work here.

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